Did you ever have a nickname? People’s nicknames sometimes reflect their characteristics. “Bean” earned his nickname because he was tall and skinny during his high school years. The quick but uncoordinated person might be dubbed “Flash.” “Brain” is sometimes the smartest student in the class. I once had a coworker whose nickname was “Toad.” I never had the courage to ask him why. Each of the names “Hulk,” “Slim,” “Punky,” “Chunky,” “Sparky,” and “Sunshine” brings to our minds a picture of the person behind the nickname.
Sometimes nicknames reveal more about the attitude of the giver than they do about the receiver. However, all nicknames share one common feature: they often become a part of the person’s identity. When you think about the person, the nickname and its significance always come to your mind.
The Right Perception of Others
1. Read Philippians 4:1–3. List the ways Paul described the believers at Philippi.
In the midst of conflict we often make statements that evaluate another person. “She is always so stubborn.” “He never listens.” “They are so ignorant.” “She’s not the brightest crayon in the box.” Sometimes the statements are so heinous that they remain only in our thoughts. But at times, those heinous thoughts come out in hurtful words.
2. What words of evaluation influenced your thoughts and responses toward others involved in a recent conflict?
Our own evaluations often replace God’s evaluation of the person. Paul reminded the Philippians of their shared identity in Christ—His work in them and their past work for Him.
A Shared Identity
First, by his simple use of the term “brethren” (4:1), Paul reminded the Philippians that they share the same Father. They share in the glory of His Son, and as a result, they had become His children.
When we call someone brother or sister, we are using a term of equality. We have a shared identity and position. Earthly brothers or sisters sometimes share rooms, toys, and clothes. They often stick up for one another. As eternal brothers and sisters, we who know Christ must share in the task of helping others become of the same mind in the Lord. When we do, all of us who are God’s children become more like His Son—the One Who is not ashamed to be known as our Brother (Hebrews 2:9–11).
3. Read the following passages. Why did Paul address his readers with the term “brother”? What can you learn from this designation as you face conflicts? (Galatians 6:1, 2; Philippians 1:12–18; 2 Thessalonians 3:11–16; Philemon 10–21).
A Godly Love
Next Paul described the Philippian believers as people he deeply loved (Philippians 4:1). Paul’s self-sacrificing love for them had moved him to bring the gospel to them and to invest his life on their behalf (see Acts 16:12–40).
God wants conflicts to become an occasion for us to evaluate our love for others.
4. Notice the use of “beloved” in the passages below. Record the writer’s message and how his use of “beloved” might have influenced the reader’s reception of the message (2 Corinthians 7:1; Philippians 2:12–16; 2 Peter 3:1–4, 13–18).
5. In recent conflicts, did your words and actions demonstrate that you saw other believers as brothers and sisters in Christ?
6. a. Did your words and actions demonstrate that you saw other believers as beloved?
b. How might your words and actions have differed if you had viewed the other person from these perspectives?
c. Do you need to confess to God?
d. From whom do you need to seek forgiveness?
e. What new commitments of obedience should you make?
Fellow Laborers
Third, Paul reminded the Philippians that they shared the identity of being fellow laborers (Philippians 4:3). That they had worked beside each other for God’s glory in the past was to motivate them to work toward unity for His glory in the future.
Camaraderie often grows from shared goals and effort. A commitment to our coworkers in Christ ought to motivate us to resolve our differences in a Christlike manner.
7. Consider 1 Corinthians 3:1–10.
a. What did Paul call the Corinthian Christians as a result of their selfish approach to conflict?
b. How did he expose to them the error of their desires, thoughts, and actions?
8. What parallels do you see to Philippians 4?
The Book of Life
9. Read Revelation 20:11–15 and 21:10–27. What do these passages teach you about the Book of Life?
Finally, Paul reminded the Philippians that their names are in the Book of Life for eternity (Philippians 4:3). When we face conflicts with fellow believers, we must remind ourselves that we share a relationship with the God of the universe, and we share an eternal destiny.
10. Read Genesis 1:26 and James 3:8–10. What statement of identity is made about all mankind?
11. Read 1 John 2:1 and 2 and 2 Peter 2:1. Summarize what these verses say about Christ, mankind, and sin.
In Philippians 4 Paul dealt with a problem between two believers. Yet many times our conflicts involve unbelievers. Even then we need to see all people from God’s perspective. Every human is created in His image. His Son shed His life’s blood for the sins of all mankind.
12. Consider a recent conflict you had with unbelievers. How did your actions reflect that you treated them as individuals created in the image of God for whom Christ died?
13. Where did you fail to show forth God’s love?
When we strive to see others as God sees them, His Word will become the standard by which we evaluate our own actions and the actions of others. As a result, we will grow in Christlikeness in the midst of conflicts in this fallen, broken world.
14. List the people with whom you spend most of your time. What words of Scripture help you see these people as God sees them?
About the Author
“We are routinely surprised when we have conflicts with others,” says Jeff Newman, author of Conflict under Control. “But when we recognize that we are all sinners, this should not be so shocking to us.”
Jeff had been teaching from Philippians 4 during family conferences and in marriage counseling sessions—he had worked on the passage quite a bit. But once he helped people get over the surprise of being in conflict, he found they still had wrong expectations for a resolution. “We cannot focus on our own way or even primarily on coflict resolution, but on becoming like Christ as we respond biblically. We go through the next step where we feel like all of this needs to be over and solved,” says Jeff. “In reality, solving the conflict is a byproduct of all the parties involved becoming more like Christ in the midst of conflict.”
Jeff earned a DMin from Westminster Theological Seminary and is associate professor at Faith Baptist Bible College, Ankeny, Iowa, where he teaches classes on Biblical counseling.
The process of writing and publishing led to a bit of a “conflict” over the title of the book. “I was a little pesky about the title,” says Jeff, explaining how he lobbied against using the phrase “conflict resolution” in the title. “If I make conflict resolution my fundamental goal, I am likely to become impatient and resond sinfully in a conflict–my agenda will become central. If I make it my goal to become like Christ, His agenda for my life will control my responses.”
Jeff readily admits that writing such a book has led to a few doses of humility—and he is quick to point out that Christ is still changing him through th principles of Philppians 4.
“When I am dealing with my own children and I fail to remember and practice what I wrote and what I teach, I find myself becoming sinfully impatient in the midst of a disagreement. But when I give attention to responding with the mind of Christ in the midst of conflict, I pursue something bigger and richer with my children than forcing their obedience—I seek to help them become more like Christ.”
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